THE ART OF FORGIVENESS
thought through how we would react to a potential action toward us. There are multiple examples we could think of to show what it means to respond. However, let me throw a positive one your way.
Have you ever been in a relationship with someone (not romantic, but any connection such as work, family, or friendship), and the other person continues to say and do things that trigger an anger emotion? Of course, you have! According to Newton’s Third Law, “For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.” So our reaction says or does something equally with the same tone or with the same sharpness.
A response, however, takes a look at the circumstances surrounding the person causing the trigger to engage. We begin to think through and take notice of the other person and what they are going through. We also can take a look at what we may be doing to cause their trigger to engage.
Positively responding to this situation could be showing kindness, even though we may feel it is undeserved. Responding could also present a soft approach, asking the other person how they are doing, and /or what they are feeling. When we choose to respond, we have more opportunity to strengthen a relationship than when we react. That is, of course, if your response has the health of the relationship in mind.
If we continually “react” to stimuli that cause anger or other negative emotions, it can lead us to the fifth side effect of unforgiveness—resentment.
Resentment
“Resentment always hurts you more than it does the person you resent.” ~ Rick Warren
Resentment becomes the thread which runs through everything we do. All other relationships are affected, and it blocks us from trusting others, getting close to others, and opening up our lives to others. Resentment is a relationship killer, as it spills over into other potential relationships.
Anyone who may fit the description of what drove us into resentment becomes a target for our negative emotions. When resentment becomes a thread interwoven into all other aspects of life, it can keep us from enjoying new potential friendships and dismantling existing relationships. Why? Because we replay the hurt and/or offense over and over in our minds and hearts. When we are reminded of a past hurt, we start this whole cycle of unforgiveness all over again. This cycle keeps us in prison. We are the ones who hold ourselves in bondage, in these handcuffs. We think we are in control, but unforgiveness means we have yielded authority to the person who offended us.